The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Postby scrub50187 » Mon Jan 30, 2006 8:12 am

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, hunting involves failure, Chuck Norris Kills.

When Chuck Norris has intercourse with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb.

He was born with his beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every secondWednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fvck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of
the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school
football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to
let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused
kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb over Japan rather than send Chuck Norris there because he felt it was more "humane"
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Postby ~J-@Ð!~ » Mon Jan 30, 2006 9:05 pm

I like Chuck Norris 8)
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Postby wladston » Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:42 am

I don't know who he is!!
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Postby JedOi » Wed Feb 01, 2006 9:37 am

He (his character) got killed by Bruce Lee in one of Bruce's films :P
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Postby scrub50187 » Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:00 am

He was Walker Texas Ranger, played in missing in action, and a whole lot of other movies.

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Postby ~J-@Ð!~ » Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:05 am

Oh... him.

I liked Chuck Norris by its descriptions...

scrub50187 wrote:Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

I like that...
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Postby wladston » Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:27 am

the waiting thing was the coolest one for me too ... :)
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Postby Osiris » Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:10 am

According to Einstien's Theory of Relativity Chuck Norris went back in time and kicked you yesterday

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris

Those are hilarious.

Some of my friends were talking about a website about Chuck Norris and all the jokes on it. I had no idea it spread here.
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Postby wladston » Tue Aug 29, 2006 2:47 am

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Postby scrub50187 » Wed Aug 30, 2006 9:45 pm

Chuck Norris has no need to upgrade the firmware on his player. The player is so overcome with fear of being round-housed kicked back into a 8-track player, that the player always plays the theme song for Walker Texas Ranger and all of the Delta Force, and Missing in action movies, as well as the entire series of Walker Texas Ranger.
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Postby scrub50187 » Sat Sep 02, 2006 7:40 pm

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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